My husband and I love to mindfully look at clouds. We study them regularly and usually can agree on a title for the cloud formation. This photo taken outside Taupo, New Zealand was one we found very interesting however, we weren’t able to agree on a title. Personally, to me it was a Bunny Cloud and to my husband an Evil Cloud.
What do you see? Let me know in the comments as I am sure there are many other ideas hiding in this special group of clouds.
The meaning behind the above quote is that in general perfection cannot be reached. When you aim for perfectionism in all areas of your life you stop setting realistic achievable goals. This is because you believe you can’t achieve them so you don’t bother attempting to, which affects your contentment.
However, perfectionism can be healthy if it is isolated to only one achievable area. The difference is how you feel about yourself and why you are attempting perfection. In some sports, Olympians can achieve a perfect score. However, remember that to get one perfect score—on one skill or routine—they also have practised the skill thousands of times imperfectly. They may have also injured themselves attempting to complete the skill. Athletes accept this as part of the journey and get back on track to do their best. They know and accept that while they may achieve one perfect score—they won’t always be able to keep this up and on a different occasion, they may achieve a low score for the same skill or routine. It is what it is.
The following table considers some of the differences between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism.
| HEALTHY PERFECTIONISM | UNHEALTHY PERFECTIONISM |
| Achieve your personal best | Increasing anxiety due to fear of not achieving goals and self-worth is only achieved through completing unachievable goals |
| Do a good job at your workplace | Setting yourself up to fail then being afraid to try |
| Do the best you can in specific areas of your life e.g. Olympians with perfect scores or students who score high scores in some exams | Fearing failure to such an extent that you avoid the task at hand |
| Setting high but realistic and achievable goals | Setting unachievable goals |
If you want to aim for perfectionism, make sure it is healthy and achievable for you. Aiming for perfectionism in all areas of your life creates so much anxiety that you never get started and as a result your self-worth and content of life plummets.
Life is a personal journey. Others can help and support along the way however, they cannot do the work for us. When they rescue us, we never learn the skills required to save ourself when things get tough. Sometimes life has an odd way of putting the challenges we require in our path. But, it is important to notice what we learn from each experience — the good as well as the bad. The following true story of unknown origins explains the importance of struggles very well.
A man finds a butterfly cocoon, which develops a small hole. Over several hours, he notices the butterfly struggling to force its body through the small hole.
After a period, the man noticed that the butterfly appeared stop progressing. In trying to be helpful, the man decides to cut the cocoon open. The butterfly emerged easily however its body was swollen and it had small-shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly expecting at any moment the wings to enlarge and expand enough to support the body.
Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around the ground. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not realise was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle by the butterfly to break free was nature’s way of forcing the fluid out of the butterfly’s body and into its wings so that it is ready for flight when the butterfly emerged.
Like the butterfly’s journey out of the cocoon, the struggles, we overcome help to develop our strengths needed for later life. They allow us to overcome obstacles that would otherwise cripple us. Without them we are unable to fly.
All our journeys are unique experiences and remember, there are no maps.
Rebuilding is a natural occurance in life. It involves improving or making changes to something/someone that already exists or building something/someone again that has been damaged or destroyed. To ensure that the rebuild is the best it can be, both scenarios involve planning. Before creation, the person, building or thing needs stripping down in order to help reinforce the changes. The following list may help if you are considering a rebuild in your life.
Understanding another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviours is part of getting to know them. It is easy to judge based on our own assumptions of what is appropriate, but life is not that simple. It can be hard sometimes to look at a situation through another’s eyes. However, from my experience, the real growth comes as you can learn about your response to the initial trigger. Without this knowledge, you will find yourself in the same situation again and again.
To help me gain understanding I regularly review situations outside of the moment. The stronger my reaction, the more important I find it is to dig deep and be honest to develop the best outcomes for every one. In the following acrostic poem I share my thoughts and experiences reviewing difficult conversations and situations.
Unveiling the uncertainty
Negativity or neglect
Discovering the depth of the drive
Educating myself to encourage and empower
Realising any resentfulness I respond with reassurance and respect
Secure, sensitive and supportive
Treading lightly, building trust and tolerance
Aware and authentic of my feelings
No longer nervous, nasty or numb
Delighted the situation is different now
Invigorated through involvement
Nurturing and
Getting to know myself as well as you better
Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.
Dear Messiness,
You are an inherent trait with me since birth, definitely a direct descendant of both my mother and father. You are my automatic default particularly when I am busy or tired and to put it bluntly, in the end, you usually just create me more work. You are out of control and have to go. I am sick of even the small amounts of time you have taken from me, as I need to search through your mess to find what I want or need. One of the things I have noticed about you is that the busier and crazier my day is, the more out of control you get. You definitely can tell the state of my mind by the state of my desk.
WELL NO MORE.
We are parting ways. You sabotage my goals and steal my precious time. So, I have decided to be the change I want to see in the world or more importantly, my family. Over the next few months, I am going to mindfully work on eliminating you. It will take a while but you will lose. They say old habits die hard but I am looking forward to your death. You serve no positive purpose in my life and I will work hard to rebirth you using my monthly coffee catch-ups to share my success at changing my world.
From This
To This
Kind Regards
Max
Photo credits: Google
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shape-up-or-ship-out/
Which quirky habit annoys you the most, and what quirky habit do you love — in yourself, or others.
Our quirky habits are what makes us individuals. By being individual, our quirks and habits blend together to make an interesting eclectic mix full of high and low points. Without black and white you can’t appreciate colour and sometimes to get the full impact of a situation you need to see it in black and white to feel the emotion.
My greatest quirk is probably my ability to always find the positive in anything and work with it — even if to begin with, it is only a spark. I am its oxygen and over time the fire of positivity grows g bigger brighter and stronger. My goal in life is the same as Inspiring Max’s, “to inspire you—developing a spark of hope into a fire that warms you and lights your path.”
In my opinion, the opposite to my quirky world is a Stepford world. And whilst I enjoyed the movie for its entertainment value, I would hate to live in a world where everyone is the same. I love the uniqueness our quirks— good and bad — bring to our lives. They all teach us something, even if that something is what not to do.
If one of your late ancestors were to come back from the dead and join you for dinner, what things about your family would this person find the most shocking?
Back in the day, there was a saying that children should be seen and not heard. In our family all members are heard particularly around the dinner table. Our guests, particularly our children’s friends, frequently state that they can’t wait to see where the conversation at dinner goes to this time. There are many things that surprise them:
Once they go over the shock of not having a nice quiet meal with the family, I think my ancestors would get involved with some horror stories form their own time to add to the eclectic mix of conversions on the day. It is common for us to continue our crazy conversations all night by staying around the table chatting or while we play cards together to finish the evening. The following acrostic poem describes our conversations well.
Connecting
Original
Non-conforming
Vocal
Entertaining
Real
Spontaneous
Acceptancing
Trusting
Interesting
Open
Natural
Stimulating
Tell us about a time when you were left on your own, to fend for yourself in an overwhelming situation — on the job, at home, at school. What was the outcome?
I believe learning by doing is the only way to grow—it teaches skills that are never forgotten. Initially the situation may appear overwhelming particularly if it is based on dealing with a sudden crisis, however by using St Francis of Assisi’s quote I have found a way through many tough times.
The whole idea of sink or swim to me bring to mind pictures of young children being forced into the water by their parents as an act of love. The parents need to make sure they learn to get back to the side of the pool and save their life, if they fall into a swimming pool without an adult watching to rescue them. Initially, there is a lot of screaming and protesting. Then as the young child listens to the instructions, they are rewarded by the freedom of moving unaided in the water. They can swim and they are so proud. Nobody remembers the fear—they remember the success.
What are your thoughts on aging? How will you stay young at heart as you get older?
I believe has two choices when it comes to ageing.
Personally, I choose to embrace it. My life has become my own since I turned 50. Suddenly I can do many things off limits before because the families priorities needed to be different. My time and money is my own so now I can:
Yes this old body of mine can’t do everything it used to, but my mind can do a lot more. Over my 50+ years I have developed a lot of coping strategies and emotional intelligence that I plan on using to keep my body and mind as young and active as they can be for my next 50 years. As my brain like all of the muscles in my body needs to be used daily to keep it working I will continue to focus on the positive and follow Martha Stewart’s top 10 tips on how to age well.
What do you think is important to age well?