Think of a time you let something slide, only for it to eat away at you later. Tell us how you’d fix it today.
Working in mental health I see daily the impact of letting something slide and not dealing with it. The reason are many, varied and often come from a place of wanting the hurt to stop. When feelings aren’t dealt with in a healthy way—even the really difficult ones—they will become a bigger and more powerful problem.
For me—I pick my battles. I make a quick assessment in my mind how I think the issue is going to impact on me. If I can’t get the issue out of my head, I make a mental plan to discuss it with the other person involved at the next convenient time. I make a time with them and tell them how I felt about the situation that developed. They are my feelings—no one can argue with them. I explain what I heard from what they said, usually ending of with the statement “I don’t think that is how you meant it to come across.” I find that this gives the other person an opportunity to re-frame the situation from their point of view and we can usually find the middle ground.
If the situation came and they stated that they did mean to come across how I interpreted it—I would ask why and work on moving forward from there. Communicating is the quickest way to end problems as it allows us to get to the core of the issue. Without addressing the conflict or concern we can jump to many conclusions but they may not be right ones and often only complicate the situation. From my perspective addressing issues when they arise helps develop trust as the other person realises that I want to work with them and we can form a united front. They don’t have to worry about upsetting me as they realise I will let them know if I am upset so we can fix the problem.
There are some battles that I decide when making my mental plan aren’t worth spending oxygen on. Yes, they upset me briefly for petty reasons so I decided to deal with it myself and move on using distraction techniques—doing something I enjoy to get my mind off it. At home I find a simple “stop” to the other person is enough to change the behaviour. I am also happy to debrief a situation with my colleagues and gain support when necessary. Prioritise yourself and seek professional help if necessary. Nothing is too big to be addressed. You just do it like you would eat an elephant—”bite by bite.”
