Making Changes

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You wake up one morning and decide something in your life needs to change. You have been thinking about it for a while and suddenly you decide today is the day. How do you make the change?

Firstly, you need to know, what it is you need to change. Is it a big or small change? A small change may simply be a matter of substituting one thing for another e.g. having a glass of water instead of wine during the middle of the week. Other changes may have a bigger impact such as focusing on recovery and improving your mental health e.g. drug and alcohol rehabilitation or eating disorder recovery.

Whatever the reason you want to make the change, it is important to realise the benefits that you got from the behaviour / behaviours, you want to change. If it was a coping strategy, albeit an unhealthy one, you need to find a healthy option to substitute for it. There are no right and wrong answers here. Get support if necessary, do whatever you need to, to find alternative behaviours.

Break your change down to make it clear and easier to start. I like the What, When, Where, Why and How method. I find it makes planning simple and helps with accountability—I can easily see if I have completed the change. For example, using the initial change of wine into water, the plan is:

WHAT – Stop drinking wine mid week without a special occasion to celebrate

WHEN – Mondays through to Thursdays

WHERE – At home

WHY – It has become a habit and my body will function and sleep better without it

HOW – Drink sparkling mineral water instead using a splash of lemon or lime to make it                  special

If the areas you need to change are broad, break them down into smaller sections. Keep a list and prioritise which changes to make first. Focus on 1-2 areas at a time, as spreading your focus too thin means that you won’t change anything. It takes 3 weeks to change a habit, so practice each area for a month. This way you have the 3 weeks to change the habit and an extra week to maintain your behaviour change. Adding a few small changes together over a month—makes a significant difference to your life.

By constantly reviewing where you want to go and what is holding you back—you are able to keep your life moving forward in the direction you want it to go. Using these skills, when you get to a certain point and you find that life isn’t what you thought it would be—you can simply change direction by making a new plan.

Out Of My Comfort Zone

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I don’t have any fears that paralyse me or cause me a large amount of anxiety that I cannot manage. However, networking is the activity that stresses me the most. It takes me out of my comfort zone. I have no problem talking to people—1:1, in small groups or even giving a speech to a large number of people. In fact, working with people is what I do for a living and I am confident at it.

When it comes to work social engagements, where networking comes into its own—this is where my confidence wanes. I am getting better however, as I realise that I am actually an introvert, not the extrovert I always thought I was. Being an introvert means that I recharge myself by quiet time not by mixing with others.

Becoming a published author hopefully next year, will require me to challenge this fear. As a result, I practice at every opportunity and I am definitely becoming more comfortable. The things I am doing to help improve my networking skills include:

  • Joining Toastmasters where I practice social chit chat with a mixture of different people and cultures
  • Designing my own one minute speech about myself, my book and my job
  • I seek out people who I feel a connection with, rather than attempting to work the room
  • Learn ways of remembering others names and details about them
  • Find ways to give myself down time after the event and know when to leave
  • Know the purpose of the event and set my own goals for attending
  • Work with my strengths and personal values
  • Be mindful of my surroundings and use my powers of observation to my advantage
  • Be interested in others and ask appropriate questions
  • Limit alcohol intake
  • Keep up with current affairs to make conversation easier

While I may never be the social butterfly who can work a room and have people eating out of their hand—I can and will learn to network. It is important to be able to sell yourself. I have found becoming a part of the blogging community has helped to force me to reach out to others and gain the rewards of getting to know others with similar interests. By continuing to test my skills, who knows where this journey will take me. Do you have any other ideas on ways to improve one’s networking ability. I would love to hear them. After-all,

                                             “If it is to be,

                                             It is up to me.”

                                                     William H. Johnsen

 

One Lovely Blogger Award—2

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This week I was nominated a second time for the One Lovely Blog Award by http://randomsbyarandom.wordpress.com/. I am thankful and I enjoy reading her blog as she is passionate about many things which this shows in her writing. Stop by its worth the visit. I have chosen to accept this award the second time, so I can pay it forward to other new bloggers.

The One Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by fellow bloggers for those newer or up-and-coming bloggers. The goal is to help give recognition and to also help the new blogger reach more viewers. It also recognizes blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by the fellow-blogger who chose them. This award acknowledges bloggers who share their story or thoughts in a beautiful manner to connect with their viewers and followers. In order to “accept” the award the nominated blogger must follow several guidelines.

The rules for accepting this award are:
1) Thank and link back to the person who nominated you for the award.
2) List the Rules and Display the One Lovely Blog Award logo to your post and/or blog.
3) Share 7 facts/or things about yourself.
4) Nominate around 15 other bloggers and let them know about the award
5) Follow the blogger who nominated you (if not already!)

Seven different facts about me:

1. I once set my tent on fire while camping.

2. I love cookies and cream ice-cream.

3. I am looking forward to going ice skating in Canada at the end of the year.

4. I have 2 sisters and a brother.

5. Elvis Presley died on my 15th birthday.

6. I don’t like either classical or heavy metal music.

7. Gone With the Wind is a favourite movie.

My nominations are:

http://rhodainmanila.wordpress.com/

http://oxygen4thejourney.com/

http://myteacherthoughts.wordpress.com/

http://mydecadelongtravels.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/i-wont-go-unless-you-go-with-me/

http://listentothebabe.wordpress.com/

http://aprobertsstories.wordpress.com/2014/10/10/writing-101-anxiety-and-me/

http://loopylozzie.wordpress.com/

I See Something

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http://youtu.be/rffLyHrLqMs

This years World Championship of Public Speaking was won by Dananjaya Hettiarachchi. In his award winning speech, Dananjaya tells the story of how people believing in him, changed his attitude to himself and as a result his life.

Have you ever had the joy of improving someone’s life by believing in them. The more they don’t believe in themselves, the more powerful someone else’s belief can be. Start by telling someone you can see potential in what they are doing or could do. It is this belief that can and will change lives.

If you are someone who needs direction to change your life, seek out people who believe in you and can guide your way. We can all improve our lives by seeing something in ourselves and setting the bar a little higher to reach that next goal.

Be inspired today to see something in everyone. Be that glimmer of hope that can turn into a bush fire of potential. Who knows were it will take you or them?

Share Your World – 2014 Week 40

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You’re given $500,000 dollars tax free (any currency), what do you spend it on?

$500,000 would allow me to have a different lifestyle, which I would be grateful for. I would repay most into my mortgage, so I could work part-time. I would also pay it forward by giving the children a reasonable deposit for their own mortgage—payable only on a property purchase. I would make a donation to one or more charities or causes that make the world a better place. My special treat would be taking an extended 3-6 month round the world trip with my husband, ticking off many things from our bucket list.

What’s the finest education?

I believe self-confidence and self-belief to be the finest education a person can acquire. With these two life skills, you can achieve what you want in life and if necessary adapt your circumstances to meet your needs. Without these skills you can have a degree in any field and not be able to get a job despite your high marks. This is because your lack of self-confidence shows at interview, resulting in the more confident person with lower marks being chosen for the job.

What kind of art is your favourite? Why?

Pottery is both beautiful and practical and something I have always been drawn to. It cannot be made perfectly and pieces are really identical as they are individually made. My good dinner set was made by artist Helen Temasi over 30 years ago. I happened upon an odd piece of it by mistake in a small shop in Newcastle. Originally, she had made it for the Adelaide Art Gallery and to ensure she had enough quality pieces for an 8 piece dinner set, she needed to make an initial run of over 20 pieces—which in this case all worked. My dinner set is made up of the these pieces sourced from all over Australia.

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Is there something that you memorized long ago and still remember?

I didn’t memorise things growing up. I am still not good at it today. When I am learning my speeches for Toastmasters, I learn concepts because I cannot remember exact words. This makes delivery difficult. sometimes, I write a great speech with everything in the exact order but some of the punch is lost by me not remembering the exact word at the exact time.

What are you grateful for from last week?

Last weekend I was awarded the One Lovely Blogger Award which I was grateful for. This helped my blog receive its highest ever views in one day, 167. Three weeks ago my best was 52, so I am growing and becoming more comfortable in this medium.

 http://ceenphotography.com/2014/10/06/share-your-world-2014-week-40/

Mental Health Week

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This week in Australia is Mental Health week. A time when everyone is reminded how common mental health problems are. Statics state 1 in 5 Australia will  have  problems with their mental health this year. These numbers are reflected similarly in other parts of the world.

The Private Hospitals Association have decided to tackle awareness with the theme of addressing the elephant in the room. The phrase the elephant in the room means something large that is also in the room with you that nobody wants to talk about. But until it is addressed and dealt with nothing can change. Our hospitals all have large elephants with trunks pointing upwards throughout them to encourage everyone to talk about their mental health.

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By making our mental health a priority in our lives, the lives of our loved ones and work colleagues we can help to control this illness and reduce the stigma attached to it. The more we talk about it, the more we can recognise its power and help reduce its impact in our lives.

Some areas of mental health that commonly affect people include but are not limited to:

  • Anxiety
  • Bi Polar Disorder
  • Depression
  • Drug and Alcohol issues
  • Eating Disorders
  • Psychosis
  • Schizophrenia

Don’t assume everything will be okay. Talk to someone—a family member, friend or professional about your concerns. Your symptoms may be as simple as not sleeping well, having no energy and low mood. Don’t assume it will fix itself—address your elephant or help someone else address theirs. if we all work together we can help to normalise this debilitating illness and improve everyone’s mental health at the same time by getting treatment earlier and no hoping it will go away.

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/ready-set-done-4/

Married Life

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Part 3 in the Lost and Found series.

The cycle of married life for us and many others has been:

  • Two of you
  • Nappies
  • Childhood
  • Return to the two of you

The question is when you return to—the two of you—are you happy? Is you lost and found story complete.

When you lose yourself in the nappy or childhood stage, it is easy not to focus on your relationship with your partner. Children are a distraction with wants and needs to be addressed. You can both work together giving them a full and rewarding life and forget about yourselves. However, there is always a point when children no longer want to spend time with their parents. They want their independence and this is healthy. This is when you return to being a couple again.

Suddenly you have lots of time together—no distractions. For us, this happened around the time of my 50th birthday. It was a perfect time for us to take stock of our life and make plans for what we want for the next 50 years—you never know. Questions we asked ourselves included:

  • What was on our bucket list?
  • Where did we want to travel if possible?
  • Did we want to continue to live in the same home?
  • How did we want to spend our time both together and apart?
  • Did we want to retire in the city or the country?
  • What did we consider to be our role in any possible grandchildren’s lives

You should have seen the surprise on the children’s faces when we told them of our possible plans. What about us? Its interesting how in their minds it is okay for them to be actively considering moving out and getting an independent life, but not their parents.

As you grow back into married life—the two of you again—everything you learnt from the family years makes a solid foundation. But a foundation doesn’t build a house. You need to make new memories and experiences with your partner to build your new, solid married life home. The children are making their own lives which we get to visit and they get to visit ours. Even if we all physically live in the same house—our lives need to be seperate.

Personally, I am happy to be back in married life. Only needing to consider my husband in my plans. Now all the things that we have missed for twenty years have returned, dinners out, weekends away and my favourite—overseas travel and new adventures together. The other advantage for me is the hours I spend writing and blogging—neither of these passions were possible in the nappy or childhood phases of my life.

Part 2 https://www.inspiringmax.com/places-go/

Part 1 https://www.inspiringmax.com/its-over/

Questions Answered

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Congrats! You’re the owner of a new time machine. The catch? It comes in two models, each traveling one way only: the past OR the future. Which do you choose, and why?

You can’t move forward by looking backwards. It is for this reason that I would choose the time machine model that travels into the future. The future is full of excitement and anticipation.  The more we plan our future, the more it is created rather than something that just happens to us.

I would like my time machine to take me to my future where my book on eating disorder recovery has been published and is available for purchase—hopefully either 2015 or early 2016. How well is it received? What are people saying about it? Does the general population find it as helpful as early feedback from people living with an eating disorder found it? Are any changes required? Does anything need to be done differently? How am I and my family coping with the pressures of being a published author? These are all questions that if answered by travelling to my future would allow me to make my book and my life even better.

However, the time machine doesn’t fix any of these problems. It will only highlight them. I may still choose to leave things as they are and go with the flow seeing where the journey takes me. Just because the time machine has shown me a potential problem, doesn’t mean I must react to it and change it immediately. My choice would be to response to any changes necessary—with thought and consideration.

I see the time machine as a tool, not a director issuing instructions.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/one-way-street/

Moving People

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Planes, trains and buses are essential to get us from place to another. Every trip has feelings attached to it, created by the person making the trip and your attitude to the trip and can have a big impact on the outcome of your trip.

I commute approximately 1 1/2 hours each way to get to work, sometimes more depending on my train connections. It’s my choice. I could drive but it would take me a similar amount of time depending on the time of day. The reasons I choose the train are:

  • I walk to the station—includes my daily exercise
  • It’s reliable—most of the time.
  • Half the price of driving
  • Less stressful. I don’t have to watch the traffic and predict other drivers behaviour.
  • I can be productive—write, read or blog—I wrote half my book on the train in 45 minute sections.
  • I can sleep. Every afternoon I find the train rocking automatically puts me to sleep and I wake refreshed, even if I only slept for 10 minutes.
  • No parking hassles.
  • No damage or wear and tear on my car that I left safely parked on my driveway. In some cases also lower car insurance premiums.
  • There is always something welcoming about looking out the carriage window each morning while travelling across the Sydney Harbour bridge and saying “good morning” to the Sydney Opera House. It puts me in a good mood.

Last year, we were in Ghangzhou and were excited to be able to explore the city like locals by train. The previous year in Nanjing, we couldn’t get into the train station, let alone work out how to buy a ticket or know where we wanted to go—so we left stressed and defeated, happy to breath fresh air. We just made alternate plans. Ghangzhou’s train system was different. We could choose where we wanted to go, work out the closest train station and go. Easy. We even took ourselves to and from the airport with luggage. It was a sense of freedom for us. While in Ghangzhou my favourite was catching the People Mover—an automated train. This train had no driver and moves people—lots of them—between the main stations in Central Ghangzhou. It was a weird experience but it worked.

Next time you are at the airport, train station or bus stop and need to wait, experiment with focusing on being grateful that you can use public transport to get you to where you want to go and that you are going somewhere. Find alternate ways to occupy your mind and time will appear to travel faster and you will arrive more refreshed.

Remember the old saying “A watched pot never boils.” In my experience this can be true for the planes, trains and buses we are willing to come.

Automatic train - no driver -1

View from the Automated Train

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/in-transit/

Share Your World – 2014 Week 39

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Did you ever get lost?

Getting lost is unusual for me. If I am in familiar surroundings, I can usually act like a homing pigeon, make the correct turns and end up where I want to be. However, I cannot read the street directory as the navigator, when the car is moving. Taking my eyes off the road makes me feel nauseous and I lose my concentration. In order to stop me getting lost, I look up where I want to go before leaving home. That works for me.

When we visited China however, you could take me two blocks form our motel room on the first day and I had no idea where I was because everything was so different. My husband loved it and kept singing “I find my way home”, which overtime became reassuring that at least one of us knew where we were.

Who was your best friend in elementary school?

I don’t remember having a specific childhood friend in primary school. I had many friends and like a butterfly, I would flit between groups and friends regularly. I was also the person someone would come to for counselling—even in the third grade—when they had fought with their special friend.

Since the news television season has started in the US, list three favorite TV shows.

In Australia, I am not sure how we match with your current T. V. shows. Although it doesn’t matter to me as have little time for television with working full time, commuting  and blogging.

I prefer to watch movies in my spare time. Although, I regularly get snippets of television based on shows my family prefer especially The Big Bang Theory.

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If you were a mouse in your house in the evening, what would you see your family doing?

After diner our mouse would see my son in his bedroom on two computers at once—one with work and the other with music or anime. My daughter could be either in her room or more likely downstairs on one of two lounges with either parent using her i-pad or phone. My husband would be sitting in his rocking chair—no, he’s not that old—watching his prerecorded television shows or something that he and my daughter have a greed to watch together. Myself, unless it is Saturday night, our mouse will find me at the back of the house in the family room, sitting at my computer—I will be either blogging or working on the book I am writing.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

This week I am grateful for the warmer weather arriving. I could feel the sunshine on my arms for the first time in months—I love that feeling. It was also the first time I though it was warm enough outside to eat my lunch at work.

I am also grateful for South Sydney Rabbitoh’s winning the 2014 NRL Premiership for the first time in 43 years.

During this long weekend I am looking forward to catching up with family.

http://ceenphotography.com/2014/09/29/share-your-world-2014-week-39/