Out Of My Comfort Zone

inspiringmax

I don’t have any fears that paralyse me or cause me a large amount of anxiety that I cannot manage. However, networking is the activity that stresses me the most. It takes me out of my comfort zone. I have no problem talking to people—1:1, in small groups or even giving a speech to a large number of people. In fact, working with people is what I do for a living and I am confident at it.

When it comes to work social engagements, where networking comes into its own—this is where my confidence wanes. I am getting better however, as I realise that I am actually an introvert, not the extrovert I always thought I was. Being an introvert means that I recharge myself by quiet time not by mixing with others.

Becoming a published author hopefully next year, will require me to challenge this fear. As a result, I practice at every opportunity and I am definitely becoming more comfortable. The things I am doing to help improve my networking skills include:

  • Joining Toastmasters where I practice social chit chat with a mixture of different people and cultures
  • Designing my own one minute speech about myself, my book and my job
  • I seek out people who I feel a connection with, rather than attempting to work the room
  • Learn ways of remembering others names and details about them
  • Find ways to give myself down time after the event and know when to leave
  • Know the purpose of the event and set my own goals for attending
  • Work with my strengths and personal values
  • Be mindful of my surroundings and use my powers of observation to my advantage
  • Be interested in others and ask appropriate questions
  • Limit alcohol intake
  • Keep up with current affairs to make conversation easier

While I may never be the social butterfly who can work a room and have people eating out of their hand—I can and will learn to network. It is important to be able to sell yourself. I have found becoming a part of the blogging community has helped to force me to reach out to others and gain the rewards of getting to know others with similar interests. By continuing to test my skills, who knows where this journey will take me. Do you have any other ideas on ways to improve one’s networking ability. I would love to hear them. After-all,

                                             “If it is to be,

                                             It is up to me.”

                                                     William H. Johnsen

 

16 thoughts on “Out Of My Comfort Zone”

  1. Really like your work, plenty of good stuff. You followed the course well. Me I have basically went out on my own before really getting involved on blog. So much for me to learn, so much work to keep from being the village idiot.

    • We have all been at the beginning once. The secret is to keep going at your own pace knowing your direction and soon other start to see the picture of your puzzle (blog) coming together as you designed it. With the course it is sometimes tricky to get the assignments to meet with how you want your blog to be. When I couldn’t find a way to marry them I omitted the assignment.

  3. I struggle with networking as well. And part of my motivation in starting to blog was the same – to push myself out of my comfort zone and actually communicate with people 🙂

  4. I am the same. I idea of one of these networking gathering sends me running in the opposite direction. I like the idea of toastmasters and have thought about that in the past. I would say it takes practice, as you have been doing, to get more comfortable having to interact with large groups of people. I like the ways you are aware of your own needs and how to take care of yourself.

    • Toastmasters International clubs are everywhere and there goal is self improvement. Google them and see where the ones in your local area are. Go and visit a few different clubs and see which ones you feel comfortable in. They are all a bit different. By meeting my own needs I get to be the best that I can be and help more people reach there own goals by seeing the possibilities in action.

  5. As a person who seems very similar to you, I have faced these challenges too.

    Firstly, I don’t think the words “introvert” and “extrovert” are useful. This mental attitude is really a spectrum, probably from autism at one end to exhibitionism at the other. One half could be called “introvert” and the other “extrovert”.

    There is an online quiz that claims to tell you whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. (Yes, I know online quizzes are dodgy, but….) If I remember correctly, it gives a number on a scale of 0 (introvert) to 10 (extrovert).

    A number of my friends have done it. What was interesting about the results was that even the most introverted and extroverted people were not far from the middle. Numbers like 4.9 and 5.1 were common.

    What this indicates to me is that there is really very little difference in people’s underlying characteristics.

    Secondly, I have found that it gets easier with practice. I was extremely shy at school, and would hardly say a word to anyone I did not know. It got a bit better at uni, but it wasn’t until I started working that it really changed.

    There, I was faced with dealing with new people every day. I also had a colleague who was always making wisecracks, and taking jabs at people (not usually nastily). I had to learn to make my own wisecracks back. This built up my confidence and quick thinking, whch made it easier to respond to things people said to me. Toastmasters would be good for this too I understand.

    Thirdly, I did an Effective Conversation course once with a local adult education organisation. It was incredibly enlightening. No longer did I worry about what I was going to say, because the instructor made the observation that both parties are responsible for keeping the conversation going. If there is a silence, the other person is just as responsible for filling it as I am.

    One of the other useful tips was not to ask questions where there was a simple answer, like yes, no, green, 35, etc. Make them “open questions” where there will be an explanation required, eg, “How did you come to be living/working/studying in Sydney?”

    A psychologist I once went out with gave me another useful tip for conversations. People are most comfortable talking about themselves. So to keep a conversation going, ask people about themselves, eg, “What sort of music do you prefer?”

    Just make sure that you get a word in though! Some people can talk about themselves forever 🙂

    Another part of the course was effective listening. Largely, this is the body language the listener displays and the questions or comments made during the conversation.

    This can be useful to you to keep the other person going by indicating that you are interested in what they are saying. Equally, it can be a cue to you that the other person is not interested in what you are saying.

    And of course, none of these changes happen overnight. It does take time, it takes searching for knowledge and tips, and it takes maturity and becoming comfortable with yourself.

    Good luck.

    • Thank you for your thoughts. As a mental health professional I agree with all of your practical examples of how to communicate well with others using effective communication and effective listening skills. People’s personality styles—introvert and extrovert—can vary greatly and many are a surprising mix. Because someone appears to be outgoing doesn’t mean that they don’t have many introvert traits they need to work with. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain is an excellent book on the subject.

  6. Toastmasters – good call. I have heard nothing but rave reviews about what Toastmasters can do for people. I can totally relate to your introvert needs of quiet time to recharge after being in a room full of people. Pressing your comfort zone takes bravery and the fact that you’re pushing to be more of who you want to be says a lot for your character.

  7. I can sooo related to social situations not being my forte! But I am driven to find out my niche in networking so that I can do it more and in a way that is not so anxiety provoking that i just opt out or am just the quiet girl in the corner. Ughhh…i will do better at this networking thing. Toastmasters was on my list for personal PD at work but my recent travels has put it on pause. I will definitely be signing up for it when I get back home next year. It too is something that I know will help.

  8. Oh, and thanks for sharing some tips. I especially like the idea of finding those you feel a connection to instead of feeling the need to ‘work the room’. The latter is what can just be too overwhelming.

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