Category: Writing 101

Married Life

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Part 3 in the Lost and Found series.

The cycle of married life for us and many others has been:

  • Two of you
  • Nappies
  • Childhood
  • Return to the two of you

The question is when you return to—the two of you—are you happy? Is you lost and found story complete.

When you lose yourself in the nappy or childhood stage, it is easy not to focus on your relationship with your partner. Children are a distraction with wants and needs to be addressed. You can both work together giving them a full and rewarding life and forget about yourselves. However, there is always a point when children no longer want to spend time with their parents. They want their independence and this is healthy. This is when you return to being a couple again.

Suddenly you have lots of time together—no distractions. For us, this happened around the time of my 50th birthday. It was a perfect time for us to take stock of our life and make plans for what we want for the next 50 years—you never know. Questions we asked ourselves included:

  • What was on our bucket list?
  • Where did we want to travel if possible?
  • Did we want to continue to live in the same home?
  • How did we want to spend our time both together and apart?
  • Did we want to retire in the city or the country?
  • What did we consider to be our role in any possible grandchildren’s lives

You should have seen the surprise on the children’s faces when we told them of our possible plans. What about us? Its interesting how in their minds it is okay for them to be actively considering moving out and getting an independent life, but not their parents.

As you grow back into married life—the two of you again—everything you learnt from the family years makes a solid foundation. But a foundation doesn’t build a house. You need to make new memories and experiences with your partner to build your new, solid married life home. The children are making their own lives which we get to visit and they get to visit ours. Even if we all physically live in the same house—our lives need to be seperate.

Personally, I am happy to be back in married life. Only needing to consider my husband in my plans. Now all the things that we have missed for twenty years have returned, dinners out, weekends away and my favourite—overseas travel and new adventures together. The other advantage for me is the hours I spend writing and blogging—neither of these passions were possible in the nappy or childhood phases of my life.

Part 2 https://www.inspiringmax.com/places-go/

Part 1 https://www.inspiringmax.com/its-over/

My Simple Meal

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 Tell us about your favorite childhood meal — the one that was always a treat, that meant “celebration,” or that comforted you and has deep roots in your memory.

I don’t remember any particular food standing out as celebratory or comfort food during my childhood. The food I remember was the first meal I learnt to cook. It was cheap, easy and fulfilling. Growing up in the 1970’s all of these were important.

My sister and I both had a version of this meal, although I cannot tell you if one or both of us invented it. My meal itself was a mix of frankfurts, baked beans and canned pineapple. By today’s standards an interesting mix of textures and flavours—although I don’t think Masterchief will be lining up for the recipe. I think it was the simplicity and mix of sweet and sour I liked. If unexpected guests dropped by it could be quickly extended by cooking pasta and serving my meal on top.

Cooking this dish for my family gave me confidence in my cooking skills. Overtime, it allowed me to realise the importance of being able to provide for yourself. Cooking is a life skill that many people don’t have. The younger you learn to cook even simple meals like mine, the easier and cheaper feeding yourself will be.

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Perspectives

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A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene, telling it from all three perspectives.

It was a crisp autumn morning on Sydney Harbour. Sue and Max were catching up with each others lives as they took their Saturday morning walk. It was a ritual they had done for the last 10 years.

As they walked, Max was telling Sue about a phone call he had received from his brother earlier in the week. During the conversation, his brother had mentioned that their father had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia. They continued to talk and walk, discussing what this diagnosis may mean. Around the corner, Max spotted a little old lady sitting on the park bench, knitting a red jumper. The sight of her was too much for his emotions to cope with. He burst into tears. The old woman resembled his favourite aunt—his father’s sister. The red jumper she was knitting had a white stripe in it—the colours of the Canadian flag—his national flag. He knew this was significant and the situation needed more consideration than his brother was letting on.

***

Max beginning to cry didn’t surprise Sue. He was not afraid to show his emotions. This was one of many things she was proud of him for. She squeezed his hand tightly to let him know that she was there for him, while she made plans in her head for them to return to Canada as quickly as possible. This was one way she knew she could support him as he unraveled truth. Max was a family man. Sue knew he wouldn’t settle until he had done everything he could to support his family. After which he could return to their life—thousands of kilometres away in Sydney.

***

On seeing the man crying rather than the woman, the little old lady was impressed. She wasn’t a sticky beak or busy body, so she had no interest in what was disturbing him. His wife looked like she had that in hand. However, being a witch she had magical powers. She decided that the ability to express one’s feelings was important to be a strong, confident and successful man and she wanted this for her grandson. Silently as she watched Max walk off crying, hand-in-hand with his wife, she cast a spell into the jumper she was making for him with love.

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Back To The Future

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Today I go back to the future. As Brene Brown says “you’ve got to dance with the one who brung ya.”  This statement means its important to remember how you got to where you are today. What helped develop you as a person or specialist. The answer may not necessarily be something you want to go back to, but without it, your life path may have been very different to what it is today. For me, this is working in eating disorder recovery, so when I was asked to return to my old unit as the current unit manager, I was happy to do so.

It has been years since I worked on the unit and during this time many things have changed. I am looking forward to the challenge of working directly in the field of eating disorders again and stepping out of my comfort zone to manage a different area with different challenges.

As I am in the final stages of preparing my book on eating disorder recovery for publication, so going back to my roots on a daily basis will help me to consolidate anything else that needs to be included in it.

Do you remember who brung you? I think it helps to keep us grounded, what do you think?

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My Ideal Life

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Today inspiration for Writing 101 is taken from a word that jumps off page 29 of the closest book and write a letter to it. My book is Jack Canfield’s “The Success Principles” and the word or in this case phrase that jumped out is “ideal life.” 

Dear Ideal Life,

I have thought about you long and hard. What difference would you make to me and are you worth the effort? My decision is that having you, ‘my ideal life’ compared to an ordinary life, would keep me achieving, having fun and moving forward, allowing me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I realise I don’t need to know exactly how to get you. But if I continue to focus on what I can do, who knows where our journey will end. For me, you would involve the following areas:

1. Family – The most important aspect of you—my ideal life is having my family—happy and healthy around me and enjoying quality time with them.

2. Career – My ideal career involves being a motivational speaker and empowering people to make changes in their life that improves its quality. As a result of this rewarding career, I would be challenging myself and stretching my comfort zone.

3. Personal Values – My ideal life involves working with my top personal values:

  • Gratitude
  • Honesty
  • Positivity
  • Self-Respect
  • Creativity.

4. Writing – Over the last few years I have increased my writing and it gives me an outing for my creativity. Commencing blogging has opened this even further and I look forward to where you take this area in the future.

5. ME Time – This invigorates me and recharges my batteries. I love being alone in a totally quiet house.

6. Finances – I thank you in advance, my ideal life, for supplying me enough money to live comfortably, not having to worry about money and to afford to travel overseas yearly.

7.  Health – As I continue to age, I am grateful to remain fit and healthy, with minimal medical intervention required.

8. Toastmasters – Being to be a toastmaster allows me to grow and learn with an international organisation designed to improve my public speaking as well as my leadership skills. Associating with like minded people helps motivate my creative side.

At present, I do not have all of these areas covered, however I am working with most of them. As I continue to grow please provide more opportunities so that I can fully appreciate all that you—my ideal life—has to offer.

Thoughtfully and in gratitude

Inspiring Max

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Places To Go

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Part 2 of the Lost and Found Series

As our children are eighteen months apart, growing up they were like twins. The younger one thought she could, and did do everything her brother did. This meant our transition from nappy era to adventure era was smooth and seamless. Thankfully, there was no time that involved an activity only suited to one child.

Working ten hour night duties allowed me to earn maximum pay for minimum time, and spend the remaining six days a week with the family. We had our ‘working’ week was well structured with lots of flexibility.

  • Monday – Adventures
  • Tuesday – Sleep/childcare
  • Wednesday – Friend to our house
  • Thursday – Mother’s group
  • Friday – Adventures

The kids and I loved the new life we had found, poor daddy had to work most of the time but joined us when he could. Our favourite place to go was Taronga Zoo, which we did regularly, as we were “Friends of the Zoo”. This membership was equivalent to the price of two zoo entry tickets and allowed us to go everyday if we wanted to for no extra cost.

Taronga Zoo was an hour away from our home, which gave us plenty of time to get excited by singing, “Mummy’s taking us to the zoo and we can stay all day,” our version of the classic Peter, Paul and Mary song.

Other places, our regular adventures took us were to Kindy gym, Playgroup and the ballroom at Macquarie Shopping Centre. The kids loved to hide under all the balls and ‘swim’ to  different spots, just to confuse me. As I no longer needed the nappy bag everywhere we went, planning didn’t need to be as specific and we could extend our adventures, wherever and whenever, we pleased. We loved following Dr Suess’s advice.

“You’re off to Great Places

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting,

So………..get on your way!’

                            Oh, The Places You’ll Go

Part 2 https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_assignment/writing-101-day-thirteen/

Part 1 http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_assignment/writing-101-day-four/

Self-belief

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“Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start.” Sound of Music

“How do you know where to start making changes or what path to take?” “Are there any guarantees in life?” These are questions regularly asked of me. The answer is “you don’t know” and “nothing is certain except death and taxes.” So how do you start to make your own path? Everything you do has choices and consequences. How you respond to any situation, either positively or negatively, makes the difference as well as your belief in yourself. Let’s look at a scenario I heard the other day for some ideas.

“I want to believe in myself, but I don’t know where to start” said Jane.

“There is never going to be a perfect place to start” said Mary.

“Where would you start if you were in my situation, Mary?” asked Jane.

“What is most important to you at present? What do you believe you are good at?” replied Mary.

“I believe I am a good friend, and that I am there for others when they need me,” said Jane.

“Then, maybe one way you could start to believe in yourself, is to acknowledge to yourself that you are a good friend to others. Recognise what it means to you to be a good friend? Once you have your list of attributes of a good friend, start being a good friend to yourself. Believe that you are worthy and give yourself the same advice that you would give to your friends, being as kind to yourself as you would be them.” said Mary.

Jane replied “I think I can use that as my place to start. Thanks.”

Day 12

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Home, Sweet, Home

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When I was twelve, I had been living in the home my parents designed, for six years. Our previous home was an old coalmine managers cottage with no hot water, so we were excited. We moved into our new address, in the new subdivision of Kotara South, part of Newcastle, N.S.W. in November 1968.

Our home, built on the topside of a steep slope was large, brick veneer and split level. The driveway was steep. Something my mother discovered years later, when she was walking behind her car parked on the driveway, when I, not having seen her, began reversing and gently nudged her, causing her to run down the driveway. Unable to stop, she landed in the neighbour’s garden— across the road.

The house was unusual. It had a one and a half car garage underneath, dug into the clay, which the rest of the house was built on. A brick wall took centre stage out the front to create a private area for my grandmother, who lived, in her own room at the side of the house—a space to sit. She required a walking frame so she didn’t go far and enjoyed sitting in the sun.

From the concrete sun area, you walked up approximately ten stairs to the front porch and entrance to the house. The first level contained the bedrooms.  Across the front of the house, as it faced west, were the bathrooms, toilet and linen cupboard to minimise the window area, and keep the house cool.

The second level joined by five stairs in the middle of the house, led to the dining room and kitchen on the right hand side. On the centre left hand side was a courtyard to provide natural light to the dining room, my parents bedroom, as well as the lounge room. The laundry was only accessible from the back area outside the house and was behind my grandmother’s room.

The backyard was large and rustic looking.  A big gum tree was in the centre of the backyard, next to the Hills Hoist clothes line and provided plenty of shade. The yard also contained a fibro cubby house my father built, a swing set, sand pit and an above ground pool. An outdoor brick incinerator, was how we recycled our paper waste in those days and we would use the ash from the fire to feed the garden. Behind the incinerator was the only part of the yard we kids were not allowed—a large wood heap.

Day 11

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The Club

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I enter the foyer of my local RSL (Returned and Services League) Club. The lady behind the front desk greets me with a smile, wave and “thank you” as I flash her my membership card. Tonight is unusual. I can only see half a dozen small groups in the club.

All of a sudden at 6pm the lights are dimmed and a male voice asks everyone to stand, face the flame and remember the returned service men and women who gave their lives for our country. A list is read of those whose anniversary of their passing is today, then in unison we recite “The Ode of Remembrance” which is the fourth stanza from the poem “For the Fallen” by Laurence Binyon.

“They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.”

I find this a humbling experience every time, and it never tires in importance to me.

Formalities complete and my respect shown, I  survey the area as I eat my nachos and wait for my friends. In my immediate area, which at times seats up to 100 people, there are two other gentlemen seated alone. The one to my right, is aged approximately 60 years and reading the local newspaper while enjoying his beer. The other gentleman, sitting directly in front of me, looks well into his 80’s and like he had had a hard life. He sits sipping water from his paper cup, and reminds me of someone well known to the club. My thoughts prove correct five minutes later, when he wanders over to the younger gentleman and says “goodnight.” The younger gentleman then replies,  “Hey, George did you know you can watch the World Cup from your bed, I’m going too.” George replied “Not me mate, I like to go to bed early so I can get up early,” and with that he left for the evening.

Tonight, the 70’s music is loud and pleasant. At present, Abba’s “Thank you for the Music” is playing and I can hear someone singing in the background. Is it the lack of noise from patrons making the music seem louder? Maybe.

The large room is brightened by the televisions lining the walls with their sound turned down. Tonight, no-one appears to be watching them however, they are welcoming.

I am unsure why the club is so quiet tonight. My friends and I are the last to leave and it is only 8.30pm. Maybe it’s the weather – it is winter and cold outside, or maybe everyone is staying home to get up early and watch the opening ceremony and first game of the 2014 World Cup.

Day 8

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Our Special Nameless Friend

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Our local Thai restaurant is traditionally decorated. It has portraits of the Kings of Siam adorning the walls and golden Thai god statues at the front door. It was there that we first saw her—the traditionally dressed, petite, ageless and physically-childlike Thai waitress. She was waiting unobtrusively in the background for our order. Slowly, she approached our table with her charming smile. She bowed to us, humbly. On raising her head, in heavily broken English, she spoke to my husband.

“Why are you wearing purple reading glasses? she asked. He response was comical and she laughed. Then suddenly out of the blue she made her own joke and from that moment on, whenever she sees me, (not my husband), she smiles broadly, nods and rushes towards me, like a long lost friend.

Several months later, despite the growing connection, names have never been exchanged. They seem irrelevant. We have become superficial friends and she regularly asks me, “how are you and when are you coming to the restaurant again?” Always informing m to come on a Monday evening as it is the only time she works these days. Last time we were  at the restaurant she was excitedly telling me that she is also doing food demonstrations. Then one Saturday morning,out of the corner of my eye, I saw her demonstrating at Costco.  I wondered if she would recognise me among the crowd. She certainly did.

While busily preparing her demonstration for me, she again asked about when we were last at the restaurant remembering that we had told her that we lived in the area. Her cheerful attitude brightened up my morning and reminded me of the value of the simple things in life.

On our last visit to the restaurant, she was waiting to pick someone up, when she saw us. Despite the fact that she wasn’t working she hurried over, thanked us for coming and took our order. To her we are friends and she loves to serve us.